Oy

I guess no matter what it takes, doesn't matter when fate is against you.

God, It fucking sucks. Sometimes I feel like the biggest loser... and not in weight. Right now I fee like I am in a whirlwind of crap, where things just will not work.

I don't think I've written much here since we started KCMETROPOLIS.org

The other blog, which is all about smiles and rainbows and causes has had more of a chance in the past seven months to be a focus and a positive conduit of how things are supposed to work. This could be edited.

To say I am all a jumble would be accurate right now.
Today we found out that the IRS just pulled a fakie. I can barely write right now...for you who are experiencing this, I'm going to put my emotional text as blue, so you may have a better chance of following what I am talking about.

Maybe I'll just keep writing...

Both hemispheres of my brain are clicking right now. The tops, mostly the left shere is all tingly. I'm so afraid that I am learning the wrong lesson right now, that the grooves are being etched in the wrong direction.

Just keep staring at the light.

You know, I wish this were some great piece of writing, and that this completely crazy writing were all by design, but I'm just not capable right now.

Fuck, I am so fucking upset right now.

I should have been blogging here all along so you'd know the daily struggle it has been to put KCM together and keep my career together. Now, I have to start at the top and hope that I have enough clarity and time to tell you all that happened.

Breather...

By the way
Thank you Animal Collective. I'm listening to their new album Merriweather Post Pavillion, which is helping a lot to keep me from crying. How's that for a review?

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country...or whatever

Seven months ago, my friend Marcy Chiasson and I embarked upon a new partnership to try and save the performing arts community in Kansas Cty. A burgeoning city with a great performing arts scene and cowboy attitude to go along with it, we had just lost our critic and imprompteur on the performing arts at the Star, Paul Hosely, laid off, position not being replaced.

Indeed, aside from all the peripheral regs, The JC Sun, KC Stage, The Pitch and uhh, that's about it...Paul was the dude who was the most widely read, widely sought after and widely respected as a journalist and a critic.

His work was herculean, covering three events a day sometimes. This is not to say others were absent, but his was the ubiquitous old world post, the critic you read. With so many events, he could not possibly cover all the goings on here in the city, but at least he was able to get the big stuff as well as a good smattering of the independant purveyors of performing arts.

OK, must pause. Animal Collective doesn't go with this anymore. I guess If you are at your wits end and you need solace, They are a go to group... Switching to Panda Bear.

nope.... Come on Nina

Ok.

Nina Simone

So, Marcy and I, knowing what would happen, there goes the audience.

But the thing was, I had been doing...as the title of this blog says... It All. I had an agenda. Getting out of the Admin back-office of the music biz and just being an artist.

That's it.

Sure, doing lot's of producing and what not, but only in context of me singing. I spent five years learning the ropes of how to be an admin, Artistic Director, General Director, President, Janitor... because I thought I had made it as a singer and that I could use my record contract as a bolster while I pursued stuff I will be relegated to, when I may not be able to sing, or when I retire.

But there can be only one.

Either you spend all of your time doing one thing, or you spend all of your time doing another thing. If you try to do both, you lose.

It is very easy to tell in business that you need to put more time in. As an artist, there are all sorts of other factors. There's inspitarion for one thing. But just because you don't spend your time being inspired to write or create, even to learn your parts and interpret and translate, there's always updating your bio, getting new headshots, networking, researching for those specific projects.

SO I was transitioning away from the shotgun career back to the specific...The fact that I can make this choice is amazing and I am humbled that I have support to be able to be a singular person, once again.

But the KCMETROPOLIS.org was the last project before sequestering myself back in front of the piano.

The singular determination Marcy and I had to make this organization run is remarkable, only that it's what one is supposed to do to make it work.

Here's where the suck part of it happens and... at that I am going to leave for part two.

I feel much better though. Like a normal human being again...though one with a huge problem on his hands.

Thanks for reading, Kids.